I cry over four leaf clovers

Bouquet of four-leaf clovers

Up until last year, I had never found a single four-leaf clover. Over the summer of 2018, I found maybe seven total. That was with me looking constantly. Every patch of grass, nearly every time I went outside. I was happy with that number too! It was exciting.

In the past week, I’ve found over thirty four-leaf clovers. OVER THIRTY. That doesn’t include the twenty or so my nieces and nephews found alongside me in my parent’s yard. That also doesn’t include the five five-leaf clovers, two six-leaf and two seven-leaf clovers we found! Oh yeah, and a weird four and half leaf one too.

Five-leaf clover
Five leaf clover

Yesterday was rough. The grief felt so heavy. I miss my mom every single second of every single day but some days just straight up suck. Yesterday was one of those days. I texted my husband that I was having a rough morning. Then, not fifteen minutes later, I took the dog outside and immediately found a four-leaf clover in the driveway. It obviously didn’t take all the sadness away but it was a bright spot in my otherwise dark day.

It seems like this last week that strange coincidence has happened quite often. First, at the beach, by myself when I was feeling blue. Again, two days later, in the yard with my nieces and nephew. Then yesterday both times I took Klaus on a walk.

Now, keep in mind, statistically, you have a 1 in 5076 shot of finding one. When you go up to five leaves you have a 1 in 24,309 shot! Six leaves? 1 in 312,500!! (I grabbed those numbers from here.)

I have strictly science based beliefs. I know my mom is gone. I don’t think ghosts or spirits are real. Previous to this week, the idea of her communicating with me from beyond the grave would have been laughable. So, I’m not saying it’s my mom…

But I’ve also been wrong before. Right now, I really like the idea of being wrong.

Four leaf clover patch
I see at least two in this photo.
four leaf clover collection
with my mom’s wedding ring

When I posted this photo on instagram and put the alternative caption “Mom, is that you?” a couple of folks shared ways that they feel like their loved ones communicate with them. I’d love to hear more of those stories! It really does sound a little out there but at the same time, it doesn’t. To be honest, I’ll take any sort of comfort right now! xoxo

Author: Kaylah Stroup

A collector of weird things. Plant Enthusiast. Wanderer. Beachcomber. Forever longing for the desert.

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  • I think it’s a nice way to feel. It’s your mama giving you a β€œhello” when she knows you need it.

  • I am a huge believer in the afterlife – after my grandpa passed away, dimes started popping up whenever we needed them in the most obscure places.

    My friends wife lost her mother right before their baby was born. After the baby was born, they were in the hospital room, and took a clean towel off of the rack in the bathroom. A penny fell out of the towel, and they found pennies everywhere after the birth.

    I’ve heard that coins are a popular sign from the afterlife. I always found it comforting finding a dime. Clovers are a beautiful reminder that she is always with you. That photo with her ring really made me choke up. Are you planning on a clover tattoo? πŸ™‚

    • That’s so interesting!

      Also, am I that predictable? πŸ˜› I am definitely planning a clover tattoo. I wanted to get something for my mom to begin with but now that I’m finding all these clovers I’m feeling like they need to be incorporated somehow.

      • Ha – not predictable at all! It’s what I would do, and since I know you have a love of tattoos as well, it just makes sense!
        Whatever you do, I am sure it will be beautiful. <3

  • My mother truly believes that my grandfather (her father) comes back to us as a crow, and whenever she sees a crow, she will say “that’s grandpa!” While I’m not sure I truly believe that my grandfather has been reincarnated as every single crow on this planet, I 100% believe in the idea of seeing a crow (or a 4 leaf clover) and taking that moment to think of our loved ones. So now I’m fully on board, and think of my grandfather every time I see “him”. <3

    • Yes! That! I didn’t know how to explain why this was becoming an important thing for me. I mean, obviously, I don’t think shes like reappearing as four-leaf clovers or that she’s somehow making them appear but its comforting to have a thing I can find out in the world, basically anywhere, that reminds me of her. Makes it feel like she’s everywhere instead of just gone, I guess!

  • I remember watching/reading about how people who grieve often see and talk to the person who had recently passed. It is a natural thing that our brains do to help us deal with our grief, and it totally natural and healthy. So perhaps it is something similar.

  • My heart goes out to you Kaylah! I lost my Mom at the age of 27 and I still feel the sting of loss even though it’s been over 10 years. My mom loved butterflies, it was a sign of hope to her while she was ill. Wouldn’t you know that they show up ALL THE TIME even in the dead of winter with snow on the ground! It’s such a comfort to have these encounters and it never fails to put a smile on my face and make me feel so at peace.

    I have a butterfly tattoo among others inspired by my mom’s memory. It’s like a little piece of her is always with me and I’m sure you will feel the same when you get a clover tattoo!

  • I’m an atheist; however, when my cat passed away in 2016 (he was 20 years old) I was completely devastated. I still tell his ashes goodbye every time I leave the house. I don’t believe in ghosts or an afterlife. But there’s something comforting about still communicating with him. It’s just part of the grieving process. There’s nothing wrong with it at all.

  • Certainly not the same level of loss, but after my cat of 15 years passed away there was a period of stray cats coming up to me all the time in public, and someone told me that my cat must be sending them to me. I do believe in ghosts. I think it’s a comfort to think that perhaps there is something there beyond the veil.

  • There’s a really good book I read recently recommended by another blogger, called After This. Maybe check it out

  • For me, I have a special connection with birds since I lost my grandma. They come really close to me and I have deep connection with them. I talk to them and I hand feed them as well. When I was hospitalized for mental health issues, I had a finch who came everyday into my room. I am 100% sure it was my granny visiting me.

  • I am happy you are finding a bright spot.. I am the opposite of you. I thoroughly believe in spirits. I had hoped I would have felt, well something, from my dad. I haven’t. Maybe it is because I believe. Maybe it is because he is finally at peace that he is just truly resting. I would like to think that is the case. I miss him every day. It is a huge struggle. I haven’t been able to bring myself to really openly talk or write much about it. Still too raw. I did get a new tattoo to help me always have a piece of him near me. It is actually a four leaf clover (he is from Ireland) with his NYPD badge number scrolled over it. The only thing he loved more than us was being a cop in the city. Having that too look at everyday brings me comfort.

  • My Nan passed away over New year’s. She lived in Canada and I live in Cincy, but we would talk every week on the phone for at least an hour. I have a 2 year old son, and there isn’t a word that accurately represents how much she loved him. When I went to go help sort through her things, my son picked up this stuffed dog toy that she had on her bed. He named it dog (original, I know) dog got added to his crib menagerie and I didn’t think anything of it

    A couple weeks later, I go to get him out of his crib and he holds up dog and tells me “dog crying”
    I respond “oh no! Dog’s crying? Is dog sad?”
    “No”
    “Why’s dog crying then?”
    “Because dog loves me bunch”
    “Oh”
    “Dog love you too Mom”
    “Is dog happy?”
    “Yep.”

    I dunno. It feels like there should be more to the story, but it gave me like.. good heebie jeebies? πŸ’œ

  • HI THERE… CAME ACROSS YOUR BLOG AT WORK LOOKING UP LAKE ERIE GLASS. I LOST MY MOM AT THE VERY YOUNG AT OF 19, SHE WAS 43. SHE WOULD FIND 4 LEAF CLOVERS SO EASILY. MY SISTER NOW FINDS THEM EVERWHERE, AND I CAN NOT FIND THEM FOR THE LIFE OF ME.. I HAVE GIVEN UP… LOL AFTER SEEING YOUR BLOG MAYBE I WILL LOOK AGAIN. I AM NOW 44. I DEFINATELY BELIEVE IN SIGNS FROM OUR LOVED ONES WHO HAVE PASSED. MY MOM GIVES ME RAINBOWS, MY FATHER HAS DROPPED DIMES EVERYWHERE AFTER HE HAS PASSED. – LOL WISH IT WAS 100 DOLLAR BILLS INSTEAD HA HA…. MY SISTER SEEMS TO PLAY A JOURNEY SONG EVERY SINGLE TIME THE RADIO IS PLAYED IN MY CAR! BUT I LOVE JOURNEY SO I JAM TO IT…. I WAS A HAIRDRESSER FOR MANY OF YEARS I AM FROM MASSILLON OHIO AND I VISIT LAKE ERIE A LOT. I AM GOING TO TRY AND FIND SOME GLASS SOON. I LOVE YOUR COLOR HAIR!!! I AM NOW A 911 DISPATCHER… THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR STORIES WITH US. I AM GOING TO FOLLOW . – JAYNE

  • one of my really good friends died of lymphoma that spread into her lungs when she was 25 and i was 22. i quit smoking after seeing her gasp for breath, but i always craved cigarettes.
    maybe 6 months later, i was on a roadtrip and i was very stressed out so i bummed a cigarette off of someone in a waffle house parking lot. one thing my friend really loved about me is that i always have a lot of wacky stories and have seen a lot of wacky things. as i lit up the cigarette, i saw a duck walking across the parking lot that, i swear to god, had a mohawk. not only did it have a mohawk, but it was making eye contact with me. i felt, SO strongly, that it was her sending something weird my way. i stomped out that cigarette! i tried to find that duck in a bird book and could not. it’s totally ok to be rational and believe in science and acknowledge that there are some things that science and rationality just can’t explain. wishing you strength.

    • I feel like maybe ‘hahaha’ isn’t the appropriate response but a duck with a mohawk looking at you. OMG!!!

      ❀️

  • Remember that show The Medium? It’s based on a real-life (and scientifically tested) medium Allison Dubais, she says, whenever you have the thought that something is a “sign” or some way that your loved one is trying to communicate with you, it is. I’ve held that close to my heart and believe it. When my husband passed away it seemed like every song on the radio was from him (so much that I had to stop listening to the radio for a while), and when my grandmother passed away I saw hummingbirds everywhere I went one day, REALLY close to me. I definitely believe in signs, and I don’t think there’s any harm in believing in them. Grief is hard, it comes in waves, just treat yourself gently, as my therapist used to tell me, and slowly over time (years) it will lessen and not feel so strong and fresh and painful. I’m really sorry for your loss, she was way too young and I was so shocked when I saw she had passed away. Sending you virtual hugs.