Blog

the timeline myth

When I was a young teenager I thought I’d be married in my early twenties. I’d definitely be a homeowner and my life would be sorted. That by twenty five or so I’d have popped out a baby or two. Obviously things didn’t go as “planned”

Even more obvious than that is that that’s a good thing. I’m certainly glad I dodged any martial bullets, and I’m elated that I was able to reach a point in my life where I actually considered whether or not kids were for me – they aren’t – before just having some because I thought it was what I should do. I also found that homeownership really didn’t fit my life, at least not at this point.

It feels like so often we do things only because it’s what we think we’re supposed to do. I thought I had to be married and having kids in my twenties or else I was a failure of some sort. That there was this timeline that my life had to follow.

In your twenties and not married? How often do you get asked when you’ll be tieing the knot? Even if you’re not dating anyone seriously. It’s like it’s more important for you to cross off that milestone than do anything else. There were times when shortly after Jeff and I started dating people would ask when we were having kids. Like it was a given that that is what I wanted to do with my life. It’s such bull crap. It doesn’t make anyone feel good to be asked those invasive questions, especially since they’re normally asked by those who have no right to be asking in the first place.

The idea for this post stemmed from a private message I received on instagram about how long it took Jeff and I to move in together, and how reading that it took us three years gave her hope. I wanted to write something that I, myself, may have needed to read. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve googled things like “how long do you wait to move in together?” and “how long do you date until you get married?” All the top results felt so phony, the answers so cheesy and sometimes even manipulative. All I’ve ever wanted to hear is that everyone has their own timeline. There is no wrong amount of time for people to wait to do things.

My parents were married within four months of their first date. Forty one years later, they’re still married (and cute as heck together, I might add!) Clearly that worked out for them. That doesn’t mean that everyone should do that. It doesn’t make mine and Jeff’s relationship any less real, important or stable because we decided to wait longer. It doesn’t mean we love each other any less. It just means some people need more time to make big leaps.

So meet someone new, move in together within a few months.
Meet someone, fall in love, wait three years to share a home together.
Get married.
Don’t get married.
Have kids.
Don’t have kids.
IT DOESN’T MATTER, as long as it’s what right for you. No one has any right to make you feel any less for your decisions or the amount of time it takes you to do something.

I feel like I could keep writing this post forever. But let’s keep it relatively short and to the point…

There is no one timeline that works for everyone.

This applies to everything – driving, college, relationships, moving out of your parents house, marriage, kids, jobs. As long as you’re happy and doing your best that’s all that matters. You do you! 

  • 2017 Birthday Wish list

    The number one item on my birthday wish list – these lights! Two of them! I actually spotted these at a friend’s house and immediately knew I had to get my hands on some. I already know exactly where I’d put them. Hanging those Christmas lights in the living room of my last apartment really showed me how important lighting is and how cozy the right lighting can be. We

    Continue Reading
  • project 365 : days 198 – 204

    198 : 365 King of the pillows! Also, would you look at that photo of Professor and Squid! They were basically cuddling. Laying that close together is a big deal for them. 199 : 365 I made stuffed peppers for dinner. This is right before they got popped in the oven. I wanted to use chorizo but the grocery store was out. I ended up stuffing the peppers with hot

    Continue Reading
  • Friday Favorites #424

    This post contains affiliate links. For more information on what that means, read here. The pattern on these planters is so simple, yet makes them so much cuter than if they were plain white. (via Cactus and Bones) Yes, please to this wonderful oven mitt! (via Amazon) Love this rabbit necklace! (via Almanac for June) I’m sure by this point you’ve seen these amazing cat candles that have skeletons but did

    Continue Reading
  • TDS postcard sets!

    I’ve been hinting for a while that I had a little something else up my sleeve for the TDS shop. TA-DAAAA! Postcard booklets! These have actually been done since before the last pouch update but I wanted to take a few more photos to show off how cool they really are and how they’re good for more than just mailing. Postcards are something I’ve been meaning to get made for

    Continue Reading
  • It’s the little things…

    Y’all, every time I write one of these “It’s the little things…” posts it’s about my darn pets. Part of me wants to apologize but I also feel like if you don’t like seeing silly photos of them, you’re probably some kind of monster because they’re perfect angels. Only partially kidding. Yesterday I was walking to the front door to fix up the mess of shoes that had been driving

    Continue Reading
  • mellow yellow

    A few years ago I was really good at documenting my hair dye adventures. I always made an effort to take before and after photos, and write down what colors I used. Eventually I kind of got stuck in a rut where I was doing the same colors in rotation every few months. I guess it just didn’t seem like it was worth the time to document it. Looking back I definitely

    Continue Reading
  • project 365 : days 191 – 197

    191 : 365 Wrestlemania. 192 : 365 The cutest kitty lapel pin from Bee’s Knees Industries (and an excuse to show off my new hair color again!) 193 : 365 16.5 miles zig zagging around the city. On the way home Jeff and I stopped off at this little overlook to shoot the sunset and flowers. I didn’t get any awesome shots of the sky but I like my photo

    Continue Reading
  • Friday Favorites #423

    This post contains affiliate links. For more information on what that means, read here. The pattern on this dress is ridiculous and I am absolutely crazy about it. (via Modcloth) These glasses, y’all! (via Warby Parker) More clothing with fun patterns! These overalls are fab! (via Anthopologie) I featured these sandals in my Friday Favorites a few weeks back saying how much I loved them. At the time they were

    Continue Reading
  • La Jolla

    It feels strange to still be posting about May’s road trip but I still have things I need to share. Our stop in La Jolla is one of those things. Before heading down into Southern California, we had made a handful of stops at the ocean. There were a few things I was really looking forward to seeing including sea lions, seals, and tide pools. The last time we drove

    Continue Reading
  • project 365 : days 184 – 190

    184 : 365 I was taking photos of my new hair color when Jeff wandered into my office. I hit the button on my remote a few times without bothering to check if we were in focus or anything and ended up with this shot. I absolutely love it. It’s even better in color but then you wouldn’t be surprised when I revealed my new hair tomorrow! Heh! 185 :

    Continue Reading
  • Friday Favorites #422

    This pin! (via Lost Lust Supply) Are you kidding me with this ring? It’s so much fun! (via Sofia Zakia) LOVE these nail decals. (via little surprise nail) I discovered Keep It Wild Co on instagram recently and instantly fell in love! (via Keep It Wild Co) Compliment pencils! Also, compliment cards if you’re feeling extra nice. (via band.do) The other day I was trying really hard to figure out

    Continue Reading
  • what I wore : stripes + overalls

    This post was sponsored by Reebok as part of an Influencer Activation for Influence Central and all opinions expressed in my post are my own. I feel like my wardrobe is heading toward something Steve Jobs-esque. Not that I’m going to start wearing black turtlenecks and jeans every single day but that I’ve started simplifying it without even meaning to! I really enjoy getting dressed up, and puting together fun

    Continue Reading