I go back and forth on what I want The Dainty Squid to be these days. There’s a big part of me that wants to back away from sharing personal things on the internet. It’s not always the friendliest place. There’s also a huge part of me that misses when my blog was just a mish-mash of anything and everything that was going on. I could talk for days about this and it’s definitely something I’ve wanted to address for a while. Maybe another day.
I started writing this in an Instagram caption then decided nope, I want this on my blog. So, here we are! Let’s get personal!
2019 has sucked. I mean royally sucked. My mom died. I say it to myself about a million times a day because it still doesn’t seem real. How can you start to heal when you still feel like maybe someday she might come home? First time I’ve said that aloud. It kind of feels like whatever nice thing happens theres always a black cloud over it because deep down (or maybe not so deep down) I’m really struggling with the loss of my mom.
I was trying to explain to Jeff yesterday evening that although the year has sucked and I really just want my mom back, some positive things have come out of the whole experience. I’ve become better in the kitchen, my dad (aka most picky eater in the entire world) has opened himself up to new foods, and most importantly – putting those other two things on the list to shame – is that we spend way more time together as a family.
At least once per week we get together, eat food and just hang out. Sometimes it’s working on the bus, ziplining or dump digging. Other times it’s just sitting around watching old home movies or helping straighten up the house. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing, it just feels good to be together.
Yesterday my family came to Cleveland for the day. We watched fail videos (something you’ll inevitably end up doing at some point if you come to our house!), ate chili, went to the beach, got hot chocolate, went downtown to see the Christmas lights and took lots of photos together. It was a blast. It felt so… refreshing? I don’t know. I can’t find the perfect words for how I feel but I just feel good.
I think that in the past I may have rushed experiences like these ones or just been ready to call it a day after only a couple hours together but these last few months, I can’t get enough family time! Even this morning I feel so tickled about what a nice time yesterday was.
Sharing the places I love with the people I love is so wonderful. Spending time with my nieces and talking in valley girl accents fills my heart with joy. These past few months have been hard as hell on all of us but together we’re building bonds that make us so much stronger. In the beginning, it kind of felt like we were doing this for my dad, to really show support for him, but now getting together every week is something I look forward to big time.
Oh gosh, this is so cheesy. For real, I can totally see it. Buuuut, it’s true and being able to look at it, acknowledge it and write about it makes me feel so thankful. I love this group of gassy weirdos.
I’m already looking forward to seeing my family again even though it just yesterday we were together. I’m also very much looking forward to lots more silly family photos but with the bus in them!!!
I guess every cloud does have a silver lining.