Sharing outfit photos can be scary. There are a lot of people who think that because something is published or otherwise put out into the world that it’s up for debate or open to criticism. People tend to forget that behind every single thing there is a real person who is potentially reading these things, and being affected. It doesn’t even have to be a huge deal, a simple off handed comment can shift how someone thinks for the worst.
A year or so ago I shared a photo of Jeff and I. It was an adorable photo with a caption about our half anniversary but someone left a comment asking if I was expecting*. That caused me to look super closely at my body in that photo… and in every single photo I shared ever after that. My stomach is not flat. It never will be. I’m not pregnant…and I never plan to be. It shouldn’t be necessary for me to have to examine my body closely and meticulously before sharing photos for fear that someone will ask if last night’s sushi is a baby or comment that my knees are ugly. (Yes, that really happened. And yeah, that made me self conscious for a while until I realized that you have to be a real dingus to make fun of someone’s knees. I mean, THEY’RE KNEES. For the record, my knees look just like everyone’s knees)
Comments like these are why everything gets photoshopped. Why Madonna is photoshopped to look twenty years younger, why apps like facetune even exist, why bloggers edit out their pimples, and on, and on, and on. You can’t comment on these stupid things and also be outraged at the fact people photoshop themselves into oblivion. It just doesn’t work that way.
I’m mentioning all this because immediately after thinking “Oh, these turned out cute” my next thought was “Shoot, someone is going to ask if I’m pregnant. I just know it.” And then “darn it, you can really see the dye on my scalp.” I started trying to fix the dye along my hairline so my head didn’t look so blue but realized I definitely have better things to do. I have no reason to be ashamed that there is dye on my scalp. It happens. Every time I dye my hair, my scalp is the same color as my hair for a few days. I also have no reason to try and hide the fact my stomach isn’t completely flat. I love food. I eat well. So what?
I always feel a little nervous to share this sort of commentary. I don’t want to stir the pot or draw negative attention to myself but I definitely want to use my platform to remind people to be better to others. Nobodies life is all peaches and cream. Everyone struggles. Why add to that with silly little nitpicks? Do your best to raise other people up. Comment on the good things, instead of the “bad”! I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite little sayings…
“You shouldn’t point out things about people’s appearances if they can’t fix it in ten seconds.”
for your viewing pleasure, dye on my scalp.
details
shirt – TJ Maxx
sweater – Moorea Seal
glasses – Louise via Warby Parker
pins – Jim Carrey via Two Ghouls Press, Pizza c/o Moorea Seal, Tooth via Hooptedoodle
jeans – TJ Maxx (similar pair)
boots – Palladium Boots c/o Urban Outfitters
*For the love of dog, STOP ASKING PEOPLE IF THEY ARE PREGNANT. If they want you to know, they’ll tell you. Otherwise, it’s none of yer bee’s wax. Even if you think you’re being friendly, it’s just intrusive. Women aren’t simply baby machines. I could rant about this subject for years but we should probably save that for another day.
70 comments
Ughh, people! Someone once asked me if I was pregnant, and when I said no, they proceeded to ask “are you sure?”!?!?! And it’s always other women who ask…I don’t get it. And knees? That’s insane!
I’ve always wanted to share outfit photos on my own blog, but I’m always putting it off until I lose a certain amount of weight or when I get that super cute new outfit or when my skin doesn’t look so dry or for some other reason that just feels like an excuse. I am just so terrified of putting myself out there like that. Thank you for this encouraging post, and I LOVE that you shared the photo with the dye on your scalp! 🙂
P.S. Those yellow pants are so cute, and I need to get myself one of those Ace pins!!!
“Are you sure?” HOLY COW. I don’t even know how I’d respond to that. That’s crazypants!
Mindi, I wish you would share outfit posts! You’re great just the way you are! <3
I have had the EXACT same thing happen! (And more than once…more than 5 times!) After she asked if I was sure (WHAT THE HECK), I, obviously very annoyed, piped up and said “I have my period and I am really bloated. Is that ok?”.
Her embarrassment made me feel REAL good, and I am usually a very nice person haha.
People are WAY too nosy! xoxox
AMEN. Man. I”ve never understood people asking women if they’re pregnant. Especially when women do it to other women!
I saw the title of this post and then looked at the pictures and was verrry confused because there are no stomach bulges viewable at all! But I’ve had those days. Actually, on occasion, I’ve been tempted to take food baby photos! Post them online and be like, this is cupcake! And this is whole cheesecake! Anyway.
That’s the thing though, the fact that someone has asked that when I didn’t it notice it before means that now thats where my brain goes automatically. I’m hyper aware of what my stomach looks like in photos because I don’t want people even wondering if maybe I’m pregnant and just waiting to make that big announcement.
When I saw food baby I laughed. First of all I have never seen a picture of you where I ever thought you were over weight. Second I get food babies all the time. Ugh I have tiny shoulders, a small frame and a big booty and when I do eat too much I look 6 months pregnant. Seriously, my body hates me. I am so disportionate from top to bottom that I am super self conscious of the food baby. The struggle is real…but you…you are perfectly portioned from head to toe…knees and all.
oh…and I just noticed the dye on your scalp. When I used to dye my hair blue-black for years I would coat mineral oil around the hair line. Helps a ton. I am sure you know that already. Who cares…this just shows you are a real person.
I know all the tricks for keeping dye off your head… I just don’t care enough to do it. 😜 It’s like it’s fine in person. I don’t care who sees it around town, at the store, etc but somehow putting it out on the internet for the rest of eternity for everyone to see is weird. BUT like we both said, who cares?!
Gah. I hate this. I wish that these sorts of things never bothered anyone. I obviously don’t know you personally but from all the mail we’ve exchanged, and your online presence I basically think you’re the coolest. I hate that something so trivial would ever bum you out but I totally get it!
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Well I think you are pretty much the bees knees too :). My self esteem is much better these days but I totally get how one bad comment ruins 100 good ones. I am trying to make it a point to be more positive in general to attract more positive experiences on and off line. It is so easy for people to be brazen behind a computer. Keep posting your outfits. I love them!
You’re such a babe. Keep doing what you do!
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Kaylah, this has got to be one of my favorite posts so far on the dainty squid. Someone told me once, no matter how many good things we hear or experience, the bad tend to stick out more 🙁 not sure if that’s true but for me it does, when I feel good it’s great! But when I feel bad, it’s the worst. I do not subscribe to Facebook or Instagram for the very reason that people around me were engulfed in it. They were feeling bad about their own lives because the experiences other people were having were not their own. “So and so has a better time, so and so is prettier, more handsome, more, better” etc etc. I told myself I didn’t want to live like that. I wanted to live for me, not for posting purposes. It has helped my self esteem so so much. Granted, your job kinda requires internets and things of the like, so THANK YOU for saying these things and putting it out there. To this day yours is the only Internet I probably check daily. Worth it! 🤙🏼👍🏼👏🏻👊🏼 Keep up this amazing blog. Also SLAMMIN outfit!
Oh my gosh, it’s so true AND I HATE IT. Why does it have to be like that?! It’s awful. I can get 100 nice comments but that one where someone says something rude, that probably isn’t even true, just sticks in my head. Like that photo of Jeff and I, I can’t even remember all the sweet things people said. I know there were lots of kind comments but “are you pregnant?” is the one thats still hanging around in my brain.
I’m working on trying to let those comments go and I guess I feel like posts like this help a little bit. I just wish people were more aware of the impact they have on other people. We all could stand to be a little bit better to each other.
Thank you so much!! ❤️
I can relate to this post so much! I have gotten asked several times if I am pregnant……in person! Arg! I have just started responding by saying “nope, not pregnant, just fat!” Cheerfully, because I am trying to accept that my Buddha belly is nothing to be ashamed of 😊. I agree with you that it is fucked that women are shamed for having imperfections , but also shamed for using photo shop or being too focused on their appearance. Arg! You just can’t win this stupid game! So I think it is great to encourage folks to just be kind, as you have done ☺️.
Hahaha! I wish I was able to respond to things with perfect comments but I’m always just taken by surprise. After all these years when old men make dumb comments about my hair I still find myself giving them a blank stare.
A another fantastic post Kaylah! I love reading your blog, people can be daft sometimes when i was pregnant i was asked why i was fat haha i hope you are having a lovely day!
P.S i love that cardigan!
Oh geeez.
Thank you! It’s so cozy!! I wear it constantly.
You are BEAUTIFUL, just the way you are!!❤️❤️ Jealous ……..that’s what they are
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As one of those women who analyze every photo of myself, I needed to hear this. Thank you!
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I think you’re gorgeous, “baby belly” and all. People should stop commenting on other people’s appearances, especially when it comes to women. We are scrutinized all the time as it is.
Absolutely!
Girl, I have never ONCE thought you looked pregnant in any of your photos. People are cray. You keep doing you because it’s working!
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You are a fantastic human being.
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Sooooooo…. you’re NOT pregnant??? ;P
Quite frankly, people can be such g-damn a-holes most of the time. And those are always the ones that get into our heads and stay there. I don’t wear the color brown in large doses (even though it suits me!) because in middle school I was a tree in the school play and was dressed in brown from head to toe, and one of the older boys told me I “looked like a giant turd”. That was SIXTEEN YEARS AGO. And it still haunts me. Another one? My ex told me (right before meeting his parents for the first time, mind you) that his mom was going to be surprised because “he usually dates such smaller girls”… (despite this comment, I stayed with him for 3 more years…) Screw him, I know I’m hot, and I’m not small but I also ain’t big. And even if I were, ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!
You are an amazing human being, and don’t let anyone ever fool you into thinking otherwise. I try to think of it this way – the more time I waste thinking about all of the negative comments people say/have said to me, the more of my energy they’re stealing from me. They can have their moment, but after that, don’t give any more of yourself away. Except for your radiance – you can share that with the world allllllllll day! 🙂
So hey, I follow your blog for the longest time (like way before Cleveland), and just think you’re awesome. You’re immensely creative, you are an amazing photographer, you’re smart AND funny, you have the best taste in everything, your pets are adorable, you’re skilled in so many different crafts…
And I like your knees and your scalp.
This was just a reminder to be strong and stay confident, and not intented to be creepy at all 😀
FROM: a not creepy gal who’s very shy.
(if you want to, you can take a look at my feline fur babies @bratshelter on insta, I’d be very honored)
Thank you so so so much!!! 😊❤️
Wow! People are seriously the worst. I’m sorry that happened. I don’t understand why people feel like they need to share negative comments or that their opinion really does matter. My blog is popular in Russia, and I was reading some comments left on other websites about my posts and men kept saying how my boyfriend should break up with me if I can’t cook (which was taken out of context because I didn’t say I couldn’t cook), but then I realized these comments were coming from men in a culture that expects women to take care of them. It made me feel better but it still hurt because they had no idea where I was coming from.
Luckily, they were on sites where I didn’t have to read the comments, but for you I know you read them because you like to interact with your audience. I’m sorry that happened and that people are such jerks!
Yikesss.
Nobody’s stomach is flat if they’ve eaten at all that day. I’ve seen so many fitness gurus should what they look like in the morning compared to the evening, and it’s usually quite a big difference. Plus, we have organs and other important stuff in there, or course it’s going to stick out a little bit! Nothing to be ashamed of.
I’m so glad you still post these outfit photos despite petty comments from others. You always look so happy in them, which is lovely to see. (Especially that last photo! Love that smile.)
I don’t know why people feel the need to pick on others, but it always says a lot more about them than it does you. I feel your pain with the dye on your scalp by the way – sometimes you can’t even see my hair line because the top of my head is bright orange! Whoops.
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I had a woman at work ask me if I was pregnant and it ruined my day. I signed up for a gym membership and then never used it lol! I cancelled my membership a couple months later though and I’m feeling much better about my body these days. It didn’t help that I was already feeling a little chubby to begin with. So thank you for this post. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way but also sad that you do feel this way. If that makes sense. Everyone’s beautiful just the way they are! <3
Oh no! How awful! I’m so sorry that happened.
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Well said Kayla!!! Gonna share this post on my fb 🙂 Keep up the lovely work, your blog is my favourite! (and i’m all the way in the UK!) Xx
Thank you so much!! ❤️❤️❤️
“for your viewing pleasure, dye on my scalp.” The BEST ear-to-ear grinnng middle finger ever! Love this!! <3
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I completely understand. This made my day. I’m one of those “big bottom girls” meaning, I’m a size 6 from the waist up but I’m a size 14 around the rear. It’s frustrating because everyone seems to think it’s ok to comment on how large it is simply because it’s the bum area and bums are funny. Yes, I’m aware of it, thank you for pointing it out, now please leave me alone. Not sure why people love to comment on topics like that, body image isn’t uniform. Thank you for posting this <3
Ugh. How annoying!
I LOVE your commentary and really enjoy following your blog as it changes and grows 🙂 Thank you for sharing yourself with us!!! It’s really wonderful and makes your blog feel so real <3
I totally agree people should NEVER ask and I'm glad you added that note, for the people out there who haven't figured it out yet! A couple other things people will tell you if they want to: their ethnicity, their sexual orientation, anything about themselves???? Nosy people! Drop it!
PS I remember at one point you posted being nervous about your tummy in a more form fitting dress and I had to scroll up and go "whaaa????" because you just looked WONDERFUL and fit and fierce. Thank you for all you share! You really inspire me 🙂 🙂 🙂
YESSSS. Exactly.
There is a lot to say on the body image aspect of this, all you’re saying is way too true, but oh my glob the baby thing!!! I got married last year, and since then people have taken it upon themselves to almost decide for me that I should start producing babies. Even at a job interview! After saying that we have no plans yet, when it shouldn’t even be a subject, the lady literally went “oh I’m SURE it will happen soon”. Like you, I could rant about it for ages, it’s just so idiotic! Haha.
Ick! It’s so crazy to me how people are always trying to push babies on to people. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that I’ll change my mind. Meh, I don’t think so. I think I have a liiiiittle bit better idea of whats going on in my mind than you do.
You can fix that last sentence in ten seconds (couldn’t should be could)!
Other than that I’m amazed: I always marvel how in shape and just really wholesome (in a Holly Golightly sort of way) you look and how you manage to take such excellent photos of yourself. And I think 99,9 % of your readers agree but like me never write a comment.
Anyway: I have little in common with you (different continent, probably closer to your mother’s age, unadorned hair and skin etc.) but I love your blog because I can be sure of two things: honesty and always interesting and varied content!
GAH! How did I miss that typo!? Darn it. Thank you so much for letting me know.
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I always look at your photos and think “wow she just is so pretty and talented and I wonder how she doesn’t ever have dye on her scalp” (being a person that also has dye on her scalp often, these are the things I think), so this post just reminded me you are a person to. Love your blog! Your one of my favorite humans.
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Well, I think you look fabulous. I don’t even notice your stomach, other than your ridiculously awesome tattoo. Thank you for putting this stuff into words and pressing publish, though. It’s nice to see someone push back a bit when others are juice boxes (that’s a code word four douche bags we use around kids haha).
Hahaha! Juice boxes, niiice.
Preach on. My neighbor came over a few weeks ago, knocked on my door, and asked me if I was pregnant. I was literally so shocked that I muttered something like, “No, just fat I guess.” Can’t I gain weight or wear clothing that’s not skin tight without the assumption that I’m having a baby. Unless you actually see a baby coming out of someone, that question is never appropriate. And if I were pregnant, like I’d tell the guy across the street that criticizes everyone’s lawn.
Ugh! So sorry that happened to ya!
Omg girl!!!! I am disgusted with how human’s are now a days and what they say and how edited everything is, and I won’t lie sometimes I feel the need to edit something as I feel so ugly because of nasty comments as well. This is a weird thing but I swear I have had comments about my ugly knees!!! Like you said they are KNEES, like EVERYONE else’s knees!Even one day at an airport a guy said something about my elbow skin and forever now I am so embarrassed about my ugly knees and elbows! This post just hit home, I am glad you shared it but I am sorry you have to hear anything like those comments. You are gorgeous as hell, real and I am such a fan of your blog!! I am newer to it but LOVE IT!!!!!! Keep up everything you do and try to ignore those comments.
Yeah, commenting on someone’s knees or elbow skin (wtf!) is seriously the dumbest. I’m pretty sure those are just absolutely neutral parts of the body. I find it hard to believe anyone has ever looked at one and been like “daaaamn, thats a sexy knee!” Ugghhhhh.
Thank you so much.
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I love this post! I’m sorry that people can be so awful but I love that quote. I always want people to tell me if I have, like, food in my teeth but pregnancy questions are ALWAYS unnecessary.
Totally!
I would really like to say I appreciate this post so, so, so, so much! I don’t know why but I reading that you have moments of self consciousness makes me feel better about myself. You are someone who I follow for style tips and generally have the entire look that I covet so badly. I never would have really thought that you would have those days but I guess posting things on the internet always opens the door for people who need to shut down others.
Seriously – Thank you for sharing and keep at being so bright and awesome.
Thank you so much for the kind words. Glad you liked this post. 😘
Brutal.
I once had someone ask me “are you expecting a baby?” and when I said no, they said “oh, because it looks like it..” WHAT?!?!?! Why would you make it worse like that?? I ended up throwing out the shirt I was wearing that day and thought about it to DEATH. I wish it didn’t affect me that much, but it’s hard not to…
For the record, you are absolutely gorgeous. You look healthy, happy and totally badass in every photo you post. You have been an amazing support system for me (unknowingly, of course!) over the years! As I watched your soul grow, you gave me the confidence to do things like get my license or go for solo bike rides – because each step you took, it’s like I was doing them with you.
Thanks for being so open and posting this. You are strong and positive and perfect just the way you are <3
AMEN ON ALL OF THIS and excuuuuuse me someone has a fancy new website!
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i hate that someone’s insecurities about their own body made you question your own knees or hair / scalp. people really need to worry about themselves. judging isn’t pretty and always reflects back on the person doing the judging. sigh.
while our styles are quite different…hell, our lives are not really similar in any way,..i enjoy seeing what you wear and how you style it. i hope you continue to be you and not worry about what others think. some of us internet strangers appreciate you for you!
#rockonwithyourincredibleself
p.s. i’ve been asked if i was pregnant and my cheery, “NOPE! JUST FAT!” sure shocked the idiots.
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You and everyone else is beautiful just the way they are.
“What are your dislikes?”
“People’s knees”
There really is a Sunny quote for every occasion 🙂
Hahaha! Perfect!!