mourning ring 2.1

by Kaylah Stroup
mourning ring

It’s been a couple of months since my last post on the saga of my mourning ring but I finally have a very positive update!

You can catch up on everything here but the short story is that after my mom died I knew I wanted a special piece of jewelry to wear in remembrance of her. I took forever choosing who I wanted make a piece of mourning jewelry for me, finally thought I found ~the one~, ended up hating it, sent it back for it to be remade and hated it still. A beetle showed up out of nowhere the day I got it which felt significant because the other beetles from this group that I was hatching had emerged a day or two after my mom died. This one kind of showed up out of nowhere. It felt like I sign I should love the ring… or something like that.

It didn’t take very long after that post for me to decide that ‘Nah, I still hate this ring.” I guess it’s pretty fitting though because my mom, with the best of intentions, would often pick out the worst things for me when we went shopping together. She tried so hard but could never really nail my style a lot of the time. To be fair, I’m very picky. So, if that beetle was my mom saying ‘hey, this ring is fine!’ then frankly mother, I hate it.

the first ring I bought after it had been remade.

Everything about it was just wrong. On top of her ashes looking discolored (so so so yellow!), and her hair being nearly translucent, it was just so bulky. It was the correct size but due to the style and weight, it constantly twisted and ended up on the underside of my hand. Not upside down? Well, it’s getting snagged on everything. Guh, it was just bad and definitely not appropriate for everyday wear based on the size and bulk. In the photo above, it doesn’t look so bad but trust me, in person, it’s kind of a mess.

top ring is from Kathryn Riechert, bottom ring is from CaitlynMinimalist.

I went back to the drawing board. I wasn’t keen on dropping a ton of cash again so I actually ended up buying a $20 ring that I had saved in my favorites on Etsy. Getting a simple ring with her initials was always kind of in the back of my mind but I was convinced that I wouldn’t be happy unless I got a piece of jewelry that included hair.

Turns out that $20 piece of jewelry was everything I ever wanted… well mostly. I loved it from the second I opened the package. It just felt right on my hand. I don’t wear a ton of jewelry, especially not on my hands. Generally rings just feel weird. My wedding and engagement rings? They feel natural. They’re essentially just a part of my hand at this point. My new mourning ring felt the same way.

The only downfall was that my $20 gold plated ring didn’t stay gold for very long. I’m not a fan of mismatched jewelry so I opted to upgrade to solid gold. I would have purchased from the same shop because I was super happy with the turn around time, the look, everything but they didn’t offer a solid gold option.

A quick search led me to Kathryn Riechert. Solid gold, customizable, and available in a few different widths. The ring I bought? 100% perfect. Oh my gosh, if we could have just fast-forwarded to this purchase instead of dealing with all the bummers that came first that would have been great! This is what I was looking for all along.

size comparison of the two rings. I ordered the solid gold one in ‘tiny’.

I ended up gifting the one that wasn’t solid gold to my fourteen year old niece, a very sensitive soul that I see SO much of myself in. We have a little thing we do now which is throwing out our hands and going “tsssss” at each other back and forth. It’s silly but so oddly comforting. I used to do that with my mom. I’d strike a pose emphasizing whatever I wanted to show off while tssssss-ing and she’d do it back.

mourning ring

I’ve had my new ring for a little over two months now and couldn’t be happier with my final* mourning jewelry piece. It’s perfect. It brings me comfort at the most random times when I glance at it while working, enjoying the air on my hand out the window of a car, cooking, etc. It’s exactly what I want in a piece of mourning jewelry.

*Final? LOL. I’ve already been browsing other pieces. This is more than likely the last ring but I have been looking at necklace to hold cremains. I’m in no rush and have no interest in replacing this piece but I’m definitely open to adding more pieces to the collection. Ya know, for special occasions… or something.

More posts on grief, my mom and loss in general –

my mother’s plantsgrief & road tripsI cry over four leaf cloversgrieving in the digital agethe greatest losssix months / things I want to tell you the dead moms club – a book review the beetle & the mourning ring

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